2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
