Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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