2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
