My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
