Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
