Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
