Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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