I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
