My room smells like vodka and shame
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So much rum. So many feels.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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