Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
my poor anus
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
