So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She swung at the pinata with crutches
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The air taste purple.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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