no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
the raccoons are back...
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