The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
