remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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