I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
