I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
