it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
