Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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