There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
