I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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