And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
