I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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