Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
