Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
