I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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