i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
