fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
