i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
