So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
