tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
