R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
