don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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