Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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