just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
