take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
FUCK WHALES
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
