he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How does one acquire holy water?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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