Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
