You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
