I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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