I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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