she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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