i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Sorry about my life...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
