How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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