Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
