This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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