I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
