it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
