I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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