end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I understand Curling. That high.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
