I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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