I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
