Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
