i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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