That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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