My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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