She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
