I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm sobbing to NWA
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
